Fourth

And so, it is the sixth month in the year two thousand and nine...

six months in, and I do not have work to speak of, and bills up the hiney. Okay, so I do have a job coming up, but the pay is lousy, and I signed the contract so that I had SOMETHING coming in for the summer.

**sigh**

Today, am forcing myself to sit down and build a real live resume ~ I don't have a lot to go on it, but what I have will do, right?

Right!

Can I put down things that involve taking care of children and their care? Is there any way that I can say "domestic goddess" and get away with it? Can I say "I need a job so badly I will sell everything except my soul" for it?

I'm so frustrated I feel like crying ~ it totally sucks to be so broke I can't pay for help, but not be in dire enough straits that I don't qualify for any help from any federal or state agencys.

*sigh*

Guess I will just plow on through, and hope for the best.

I hear there is a housekeeping job open downtown...would it be pretentious to have a resume for that???

erk.

On with it...

help?

anyone?

pleez?

**sigh**

June oneth, the year 2009 ~ and in 9 days, I will celebrate the day I first became a mom...

Can't believe my oldest daughter is going to be 26 years old in nine days.

That means I am now older than most dirt ~

**sigh**

Tonight I FEEL old. I didn't feel this way until I arrived home here to find that yet again, my mother had shoved things around... without regard to what was where, and who needed what to stay where it was, and which ever she ...

yeah... yet again, my mom has lived up to the reputation she has long cultivated, and decided that her things are more important than ours, and that she can just shove our stuff to the side, without regard to the consequences...worse still, she does not see the damage she causes, and even worse than that, she does not WANT to understand what she is doing ~ the irrepairable damage she does to relationships, and humans...

**sigh** to put it bluntly, I do not think that my mom gives a shit about anyone BUT herself.

SO! now I am faced with a dilemma ~ I feel that it would be a good thing to move ALL my stuff out again ~ after many months of trying to get stuff ready to sort out and sell, box and give away, and I've most of my craft things here at the house now ~ but I can't afford to pay her rent, and pay a storage for too. SO!

do I pay a storage (I'm thinking that I should) or do I pay rent to someone that ... **sigh**

My mom just took three months worth of work and jumbled it all back into what amounts to one big pile. Broken parts, lost parts, pieces of things everywhere... my sewing machine bobbins are now all in a ziploc bag, most of them are unraveled and the thread on them useless... means I have to remove what is left, and start over.

What a waste of my time, not to mention my resources...

Sadly, I am not surprised.

I am just sad, and at this very moment, angry with myself for believing (yet again) that she would follow through with her promise to leave everything alone until I had it settled.

guess I am the stupid one here, eh?

**sigh** yeah. I'm dumb.

so, with that cheerful thought, I am going to bed so that I can begin the process of getting another storage, and getting myself moved back out completely from this hell hole, keeping only my bed, and my dresser for my clothes here ~ Though I've not signed my contract with the theater yet, so maybe it is time to simply leave...

I'm going to bed now.

night viggo, I'll see you in the morning.

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