to damn early to be awake

up with the cows this morning, and I do not even HAVE cows...

woke up at 3, I seem to be doing that a lot lately. Sometimes, I just get to thinking, and then that is it for sleep ~ Couldn't turn the mind off this morning, so here I am.

**sigh**

the main thing going on in my head is self doubt. Nothing like having your whole world change suddenly to trigger such a thing. The abrupt change from having all the responsiblity to being totally alone and being told I am stupid, seeing others having the happiness that I had, the joy I felt at doing and going and being with my girls... it is all just GONE...and I feel... like shit. I feel used, I feel like no one cares, I feel like the world just shit a big load on me, and I have no way out from under it. It is like no one cares either ~

Guess that is what I get for expecting the best ~ I always do that to me, I think everything will work out, that it is all for the good...

FUCK THAT. Life hates me, and I am beginning to hate life.

**sigh**

yes, really.

I hate the feeling that I have no one to talk to, no one to listen, no one to give a shit about ME.

**shrug**

ah well. caring about it wont' change a thing, so why should I care?

yeah.

anyone want to buy a horse?