ninety second day of two thousand nine

bright and early on the second of April... well, early anyways. Seems I am in an insomnia phase of things now...

which totally stinks, because I tend to get sicker easier when this phase happens.

**sigh** had the funny flush thing going today, the "butterfly" thing that signifies the lupus ~ wondered about the way I've been feeling lately, so I am not to very surprised.

Had a good visit yesterday afternoon with a friend ~ I was to tired to go, but I am happy that I went. The visit gave me food for thought, and insights into things I have been pondering about ~ Feels like I can make some better choices now about a few things. They won't be happy choices for some people, but if I go with how I am feeling right now ~ yeah.

I guess that it is time for a change all the way around ~ not just with my personal life, but with old "friends" and acquaintances too...

Which, in my insomniac clouded thinking, rounds down to this:

Sort and toss, separate the wheat from the chaff in my own life, and then pick up and move on...

Where "on" will be to, I am not at all sure ~ maybe just down valley, maybe I won't move at all ~ maybe I will just stop the unproductive parts of my life and pick up new hobbies...

As always these days, I just do not know nothing for sure about nothing...(anything?)

Seems kind of like I am ready to just kick things loose and let the pieces fall where they may.

No, don't worry viggo... I'll keep you.

Come on man...Back to bed for the few hours we have left to snooze.

:*

wow...where did March go?

While I am glad March is gone, I am, as usual, not to sure where it went. As in... I didn't get anything done type gone/went/bye bye...

**sigh** seems to be the story of me life. Not sure what to do to change that either, ya know?

I know I did do a fair bit, and I managed to do so without getting so tired I couldn't function the next day ~

I hate whatever is wrong with me, I am always tired, always grumpy, always stressed because my body gives up before I can accomplish what my mind has set out to do.

**shrug** and to repeat myself, I am not sure what to do about it. :p

It bugs me that I am now in a new month and I still haven't any work. I have some lined up for the summer, but that does not start until the middle of June, and I won't see any money from it until the end of the season (theater job, live type productions) ~ and though I love the people and the work, if I can find anything else, I will give it up... I do not like to say that I am going to do something and then not follow through, but a full time job will simply have to take precedence, ya know?

:p

Little Cat wants to cuddle, and I must be off here soon to accomplish what I can this morning. After lunch today, I must run back to the big city and cancel the telephones ~ I do not really want to do that, but no one is helping me pay them (haven't seen a penny for them in about 8 months now) and I just can not keep bleeding like I am. I think that maybe this is the final step to my independence from my girls ~ I don't owe them anything any more...I'm sorry if that sounds callous but hey...they have made their choices, and while I am still here for them, I am done being used. My eldest is operating under the impression I owe her money, and I have to pay it to get my mare back...

**sigh**

Had a bite on the car finally, so that will help. No one wants the my Budman, unless I am willing to give him away ~ literally. They want him for free...he is to good of a horse to do that too, and I would rather keep paying his upkeep than send him to someone that will not take care of him.

People only seem to respect what they have to lay money out for...humans is weird animals, ya now??

I'm off to toss and sort...oops, reverse that... and hopefully get the two storages down to one by Friday...

yeah, I'm dreaming, but maybe I CAN do it, right? :)

Come on viggo, it's time for breakfast... drive up McMuffin style.

:*