half gone

**sigh**

what a way to begin the week, feeling like everything is half gone instead of half left.

I, for whatever reason, can not help the fact that my mom is what she is, and I find her irritating to the extreme of extremes. I walk a fine line between not doing anything for her, and doing to much.

It is odd, it is not that I mind doing the things that needs be, it is more that I hate doing them... though I know that this does not make much sense.

If I do something, I do it her way, because that is one way to avoid arguements. BUT!!! No matter what I do, everything is wrong, and so therefore needs to be redone...either by her, or with her "supervision" (read: interference) which makes everything take twice as long ~ not only because it is generally the second time through, but she has to hash each and everything out, either vocally or by "SHOWING" me ... which makes her mad because "she" could have done it quicker without me.

so... all I can say is "WTF" is up with all that, shrug my shoulders and find other things to do... especially when I know she has projects planned for the day.

I have pretty much stopped putting myself down for blowing her off like this ~ it is far worse to feel like shit because she is actually putting me down AFTER I've worked hard at doing something, than it is to feel bad momentarily that she is out side lifting this and that and taking care of her OWN house and yard.

Which by the way, is all she has to do now, so... eyah.

**shrug**

I now doubt the wisdom of staying put until I can finish sorting through 26 years of family ... whats the word... detritus? I may go insane before I can finish with it all.

Pretty much looks like it is my mom, eh? What is MY PROBLEM with HER??

Guess I ought to figure it out, and soon. What do I do differently? what can I change within me so that her apparent judgment of me and my abilities do not bother me? Do I even do anything differently? Except put on the "I do not care" and let her flounder within her own stuff and life??

That would make the most sense. Financially, I am stuck for a bit, so...

yeah, I gots to do something.

**Sigh**