Friday

Spent the morning on the phone with tk1, she needed to vent about the girl that lives with them. It has become a problem ~ she wants to be treated like an adult, but does not want to make adult decisions...be responsible for them type thing. T1k and her hubby do not charge her any rent, pay all the gas and food, and while I think the young lady in question is grateful, when it comes to following the rules, it is hard for her ~ because the rule of the day might not be convenient for her.

**sigh** welcome to motherhood, eh??

It was gray and nasty out, the fog was at ground level. Made me want to cry the whole morning away actually. A HUGE part of that is living here ~ it frustrates and makes me angry most of the time ~ my mother is very blatant about things. I mean ~ to have everything I do either REdone, or put down when mom does not acknowledge that I did something, or that I know something...(long story, has to do with the windows)

I want to move away from here so badly, I can't even express it in words. I know that I can not afford to, and that makes it even worse.

So how do I work around the fact that everything I do is worthless (read: I am worthless) and try to get some semblence of life, to get to the point where I CAN move out, and feel as though anything I do has merit? How do I blow off my mother, still being nice to her, and get past all this shit? I don't even want to have anything to do with her any longer ~ understandable, eh? **sigh**

Not being able to find work doesn't help at all, and only increases my sense of hopelessness...something I know I have carried for the past many many years, and will get better with time, IF I can find a way to give myself the time I need.

All I need is a place to live with my dogs and kitties, and I would be okay.

Finding that? Impossible. So...

what do I do?

**sigh**