morning is half gone...

or do I have the two-thirds of the day left?

**shrug** I do not know the answer to that. I am worried, worn out and edging toward angry.

Some of my anger has to do with the weather, I was an idiot and got myself thoroughly chilled this morning while feeding the horses. Some of it has to do with the worry that I will not get a job in time to continue paying my mom for that stupid stupid stupid purchase I made in May... Part of it is being so worn out and tired and not understanding WHY I am this way ~ though I am fairly certain that it has to do with my physical self not having any reserves, and I can not bring myself to run up more in the way of medical bills at places I already owe thousands of dollars.

**sigh** yeah, I get the "whatever" thing going, and while I do know that someone out there cares ~ not in my immediate realm mind you ~ I can't care. I can't care that I do not have medical help. I can not care that I do not have a job.

If I did, I'd worry myself to death over it all.

yes, I know I am weird. I don't care.

Time to ignore the pain, the tiredness, and keep going. I resent that in a way, but if I drop dead, who cares?

I can't.

I mean... I don't, not really. Because all the pain would be gone, all the hurt would be gone, all the loneliness would be gone...

**sigh**

Do not judge, lest ye be judged by the same ruler.

WHAT is the matter with me? Why this funk? when will I get out? HOW will I get out?

there is no who. I haven't a who. I could use a who. *sigh*

Guess I had better figure things out. :p