transitioning

I amaze myself some days, with the crazy swings of feelings that I go through. Mostly they are innocuous, but some days, I (quite literally) hate myself.

**shrug** no, I do not know why, nor can I afford someone who can "help" me figure out why...so shut up and do not even go there. Sadly, there are many like me in this world, so ... :P

I hate myself for being stupid most of my life. I hate myself for thinking of other people first, I hate myself for not being somewhere in my life at the age I am now and liking it. I hate myself for hating myself. I hate myself for hurting because my children are all assholes. I hate myself for obviously fucking up and not raising them right. I hate myself for loving my ex when he was clearly an asshole. I hate myself for living with my mom.

Mostly, I just hate everything that I am now...and ever have been. I kind of feel as though I've never ever had anything worthwhile in my life, and that everything I did love is now nothing but gone, and I hate it...

**sigh**

obviously I do not take transitions well, eh?

:p