31 December 2008

nearly done with 2008

We went out this evening, I've had one to many margaritas... I LOVE the strawberry ones, and the lime didn't taste half bad either...

but! that much tequila makes mogsie sooo very tired.

and it is only 9 o'clock here.

I'm off to check the backs of my eyelids for light leaks.

See you in 2009.

come on viggo, us oldsters need to be off to bed.

:*

Happy Birthday to me...

it is snowing again... all we get is MORE and MORE and MORE and MORE...

At least I am not living in Spokane, they have better than 5 feet now ~ nearly as much as I am tall.

I could not get down the street to feed the horses this morning, and I tried TWICE. Second time I made it to the house before the driveway I must go down, but that was it for that try. Everyone pushes their snow back out onto the road, making it hazardous ~ if I hear ANYONE complain about it, I will raise hell. I personally have gotten hit by snow being tossed by someones snowblower.

Idiots.

Got the burm done out front, now I need to blow the rest of the driveway. I am kind of waiting for the garbage man so I do not have to stop once I get going. He is probably stuck over on the other side of the river.. .like I said, the roads are REALLY bad.

Today I am 50 years old, and as the morning wears on, I FEEL it. I soooo need a doctors care of some kind, I can not manage this crap by myself. I made zero dollars in the month of December, so I am hoping that the state of Washington will now help with the medical...

Vain hope I am sure, but... I will try once again to get help.

Sadly, I get to the place where I have no hope, and it is easier not to try. If my heart implodes, I will not have to deal with all the shit any longer, so **shrug** really isn't much difference to me either way.

Scary, eh? But what else do I do? I am only human after all, my faith gets worse than shaky a lot these days, and the pollyanna crap that my mother puts me through only makes it worse ~

yes, I really DO need to move. To that end, I am hoping that I can get a post office box so I know where my mail is going all the time, and then it does NOT matter where I live.

:)

off to finish up the coffee, and wait a bit more for the trash man... I've lots of clean up work to do before I plow, so I can do that while I wait too.

Come on viggo, coffee is hot. Get yer butt outta bed.

:*

30 December 2008

nothing

Exactly what I did yesterday.

zero, zip, nadda. I have some seriously huge issues with my mother... I must get on with moving away from here.

**sigh** yeah. that is the way it must be, ya know?

:)

Been across to feed the horses, will run back in a few to put them all together. Bud and Angel are spending their time across the fence, it is funny because when they are together, all they do is argue.

Old married couple.

After doing the "poor me" thing, I thought it through ~ I will continue to make full dinners for four people, and freeze portions ~ most everything I like tastes better the second time around anyways, so I think it would be a good thing to do.

Costs less that way also.

Still, it really brought home the loneliness, and the lost feelings I have about what I want to do with my life.

**sigh**

;)

so viggo... will you marry me?

29 December 2008

snowy, snowy, snowy and planning

**sigh**

just spent the past two hours trying to plan out some kind of life... and I started with making a (an?) eating plan, as in... actual MEALS.

very hard to plan for one when one is used to planning for three or four...

**sigh**

makes me lonely to think about it. I don't even want to eat any more...

**sigh** yeah, I know. stupid. but hey... it hurts. I am alone. I have nothing here but me. Being with me is boring, and very hard to do. Hell... I'm not even sure I like me. No one else seems to, so why should I???

**round and round mogsie goes**

~ Some good things about me ~

I am prompt in most things.
I am loving, even if the loved one is not being lovable.
I am forgiving.
I am capable of many things.
many things...

Just because I can't think of them right now doesn't mean a DAMN thing!

I gots to go load more hay.

:*

as of this very moment...

I STILL hate snow...

It warmed up yesterday, and I had a chance to catch up on the driveway, and the extras... thing I did not get done was taking the rest of the hay to the barn.

Dammit. NOW I have to do it in the SNOW.

Life sucks, and then ya kick the tin bucket, ya know? **shrug** Wouldn't be right if it weren't easy, eh???

SO!!!

off to do what I gotta do. the snow will not stop ~ so guess I can not either ~ at least until I have some of the bales moved, ya know??

(hugs) from me, and sorry to get you wet viggo ~ put yer boots on, we've hay to move!!

:*

28 December 2008

As of this VERY moment

I hate snow...

**sigh**

27 December 2008

whadda ya do?

Today, it is finally warm outside. After many many weeks of sub freezing and sometimes sub-zero temperatures, we've a heat wave in the works...

It is nearly 25 degrees!!!

O.O

I'm happy to say that I plowed the driveway this morning, we had about a foot of new over night and it was getting heavy by the time I made it out there at about 10 or so ~

I THINK I taught my mother how to use the snow blower ~ Now I can only hope that she remembers how, ya know?

**sigh** won't happen, but there is always a chance, right?

Baby has been hanging on me all day. If I am sitting down, she is sitting on me. Of course, at this moment, it is probably because the tuna can exploded all over my shirt and I have not changed my shirt yet...like the joke about the baby and the pork chop.... :)

Christmas is gone, and I thank the powers that be for it. I STILL have not gotten paid by the theater, I may call to see if anyone else has...but that is why I did not buy any thing for anyone ~ that and I thought we'd agreed to NOT buy stuff. No one but me went along with that, so... yeah. I was left feeling stupid, and very loserish ~ I had a DVD pack of cartoons, and a box of 64 crayons...

:)

now all I need is a good coloring book. Can't find one though ~ I'd appreciate any ideas anyone has~??!!! I don't do stickers, and I do not really care for the modern cartoons... maybe Vermont Country Store has some good ones. They have some really cool old stuff in their catalog and on their website. :)

**sigh** oh well. I fought with my youngest, she was being a disrespectful bitch, and my mom wanted to leave early, so that is where it stopped.

but hey. My mom was not by herself on Christmas... screwed my christmas up to the point where I want to cry, but hey... mom had company...

shit. again, I lose. all the time, I lose.

it sucks.

**sigh**

whadda ya do, except the right thing?

eh?

come on viggo, time for the night food run to the Budman.

:*

26 December 2008

blue

I'm home, the cats are sticking to me, the dogs are asleep. I called up to let everyone know we were home, and I did not talk to anyone... SO!

I know now that I was right in thinking that I should NEVER have let t3k go live up there. Of course... I don't want her to live here either, because I hate living here, but hey... whatever, right?

SO!!!

Nap time, I did not sleep at all well, and my mother made me insane, and I am stressed out, and...

yeah.

:* welcome me home viggo ~ I soooo need the hug.

25 December 2008

fromt the hinterlands

so...I am in the hinterlands. It was a long and snowy drive up, and the two mile road into their driveway was NOT plowed, and we made it TO the drive...

I will try to get out in the mess tomorrow and get some pictures. My mom (grandma to the girls) came with me... I TOLD her it was in the sticks, and now she finally believes me.

I think I should have stayed in Leavenworth.

**sigh**

so.

yeah.

I miss viggo.

:*

24 December 2008

the day after one more day before...

Snowin' to beat heck out there this morning ~ I've cleaned off the cars, run three bales of hay across to the barn, fed Bud, fed the rest of the ponies, and ... cleaned off the cars, taken the last of the pellets over to the barn for the LL to feed the Bud while I am away, PLUS I got the night time feeding ready...

And now? I am FINALLY having my coffee.

**sigh** It tastes extra nice this morning.

I was planning on leaving for the hinterlands today, but my mom has changed her mind, and is now going with me to T1/SIL's house ~ I am glad that she has. We will go for the day/night tomorrow, as my sister in law let me know that Fed Ex will have the things from their house here by five today ~ it will be a bit of a late start to the traditional Christmas, but that is okay. If Fed Ex gets here sooner, and we can get ourselves together, (won't happen) we may still make it up there tonight, but neither ma nor I feel like mushing radly about.

I personally do NOT have the energy to drive up today, so it is fine with me that we have to wait for the delivery. :)

T2k was here for about four days, and while I love having the girls here, it really does put a kink in the scheduling of my own life... as in... I do not get a thing done.

Odd how quickly I adjusted to NOT having to do things for someone else all the time. If I thought to much about it, I would consider it very sad that I spent so much of my time doing for everyone but me.

I am quite sure that I would be in much better shape all the way around if I had known then what I know now, ya know?

:p

Nearly noon, and the snow is now colder (drier) than it was. It takes more of it to fill the drive way when it is this dry ~ if that makes any sense?!

I just need run to the store before they close for the day, we need soda for tomorrow.

**poke** Viggo? You awake?

Just thought you'd like to know it is your turn to shovel the driveway.

23 December 2008

one day left

It is gray here again, and I am grumpy this morning ~ though that is not the reason why. The reason why is that I called my ex, and he was his typical asshole self...

**sigh** and I thought he had changed a bit more than that. **shrug** maybe he was just having a bad day, he didn't want to talk, or whatever... But it made me upset, and mad.

No, I don't know why ~ because I am SUPER STUPID that way?

So. t2k goes back over there today, and I shall actually miss her. I do not feel this way when t3 leaves, I think that is because I see her more, and attend her concerts, and games and things. There is no where for me to stay if I were to go to Seattle, not with the Ex's mom living with them right now.

I could sleep on the floor of t2's bedroom maybe... guess that it really is time to take more time for her. Though she was the one that decided she did not have time for me...

**sigh**

I don't know, it will work out.

I am headed into the hinterlands for Christmas day... I hope I do not get stranded up there. I am taking my knitting and things with... that way I have something to do instead of just sitting on my butt.

I hope that maybe we can go riding??

I actually do not want to go. How bad is that???

:P

so viggo, we've only one day left to do the stuff we got to do.

lets get to it!!

:*

21 December 2008

Winter Solstice

Today is the shortest day of the year in the Northern Hemisphere ~ and I have done nothing today but SHOVEL freaking SNOW.

It is not that there is so much of it, our drive way is less than two car lengths...it is just that I am tired, and old, and it takes me forever to finish it...

I have a snow blower, but it stinks up my air, and is LOUD, and makes me hurt just as bad as if I had done it all by myself with just a shovel...

Only thing is that it IS faster.

**sigh**

Okay, now that I have finished my whinging...

It is snowing, and as it is nearly 13 degrees Farenhiet, the flakes are huge and piling up fast. (yes, I will have to shovel my self out again to feed the horse) It is a gentle snow, without any kind of hurry about it ~ just the slow float to the ground, to cover the earth up for its' winter nap.

I love it when it snows like this, everything slows down, and takes its' time on its way to where ever...

Now that I have had time to ponder this, I know that I have been feeling frantic ~ why, I do not exactly know. I think it may be that I feel the extra from other people around me, like their energy bleeds over into me, and I get the rushies along with everyone else.

Which, I might add, is really kind of silly. Okay... amend that to STUPID. I haven't any money, therefore do not have to go out and buy gifts, nor do I have a real job, so I do not have to deal with the grumpies that people generally seem to have this time of year...

So... yeah. I can slow down, take care of business, and do what I really should have been doing all the life long ~ celebrating the turn around of the year, the birth of the Christ child, and the long sleep that renews the earth...

yeah. The IMPORTANT things that come with this time of year.

Can you say "DUH" ??????

Happy Winter Solstice everyone. Take the time to celebrate the lengthening of the days, and the rebirth of the year.

Bless all that celebrate Advent, it is the fourth Sunday... time to light the pink candle on the wreath.

come on viggo ~ we've lanterns to make before it gets dark. I'm glad for the snow, we can leave them lit alllll night!

:*

20 December 2008

BRRRRRR

Minus 9 Fahrenheit out there ~ it was -6, but the sun is about to rise, so it has dropped.

The horses were very happy to see me, I can't blame them. They probably didn't stand still to much last night because of the cold, which seems to make them hungry in the morning. I am thinking that I am going to cut the amount of the five o'clock feeding, and then stop back by on my way home to re-fill the dinner dishes so they have bits to eat over night.

Horses do best if they eat small amounts, and often. **shrug** at least Budman seems to anyways.

yes, that is a good plan. A feeding at 4-4:30ish, then one at 10:00 p.m. on my way home from work.

At least through the cold snap, ya know?

:)

t2k is "visiting" ~ well, she is here. I was hoping that MAYBE she would visit with me, but this is not the case. She is here to see her school chums, and whine at me about how hard her life is...

**sigh**

**shrug** Guess I should get used to it, eh? I certainly won't change what I am doing, or scheduled to do... there is not a reason to do so. The girls aren't interested in me ~

While that hurts, I can't be to upset about it, mostly because being upset is a waste of time that I can put to use elsewhere in my life.

I just know my status for sure now, and will not say yes to them sleeping in the living room for three days while they visit about. They can stay with their "friends" while they are here instead.

Baby Cat is killing the evilness that struck last weekend... my black fuzzy slippers have become the latest play thing. She will stalk them from every angle possible, attack at random, and just plain going insane all over their little fuzzy butts occasionally.

Currently, she is hanging from Harleys nose ~ he is very gentle with her actually, but I still have to watch him. He is just 10 months old! :)

Today is taken up with making cookies to take to the last show tomorrow night, and maybe running downtown to see the lights again. I 'd go straight to work from there, it is just up the street from the downtown area. **shrug** I need to go look at Cross country boots, but I do not know that I want to fight with the crowds to do it. I'm thinking that there won't be to much in the way of crowds, the Cascades/Seattle are in for some pretty rought weather. Folks are probably worried about getting home from here if they come over ~ Can't say as I blame them, ya know? Not that anyone would have anything to DO in Seattle... the city is currently (pretty much) shut down from the last few inches that they got.

I think I shall nap until 10 now ~ ten being when I run back to fill water, open gates and all that for the day.

:* scoot over viggo, I'm coming back to bed.

19 December 2008

In case you want to know...

About Me

Single mom, I've three children.
They're all girls ~
PMS can be VERRA bad around here.

I had three dogs,
three cats, and three horses.
and a BIG vet bill.

Now, I've two dogs, two cats
and one horse.
and a slightly smaller vet bill.

I am old enough to know better,
and young enough to do everything over that I should not do.

AND... I'm old enough that I still manage to forget what I really ought to remember...many times over.

I laugh at myself a lot.
I think that is maybe because I am the only one that thinks me funny??!

I laugh at the world around me a lot too.
Mostly because irritates the hell out of a lot of people~especially those that take life WAY to seriously.

I am fairly even tempered.
(Well, I have a temper ~ but I am fair!!)

I am afraid of the dark.

I like to write, all sorts of things.
Except Essays. I do not care to write essays.

Poems and verse have a tendency to pop into the cranial cavity without much thought.
though if I try too hard, it all kind of leaks out as nonsense.

oh shuddup. I make sense ... sometimes! (no, you don't) (yes, I DO) (no... oh shuddup!!)

I talk to myself a lot.

I collect rocks, I have rocks from everywhere I have ever been.

Moving anywheres is really hard to do because I want to take all my rocks with me.

I have never owned a house.

I own my car.

I want a truck. 1958 or older. One with no computer run gadgetry.

I can not decide what I want to be when I grow up.

Guess I will have to grow up someday so I can figure it out...

Currently, I am madly "in love" with an Viggo Mortensen ~ I do NOT know him and as he does not know that I exist, our relationship is all perfect and good. AND!! I like it this way...Why I chose him is... well... a long story. Has to do with Billy Boyd actually... Feel free to ask me about it!

Just to be fair, I'm in love with Joe Nichols too... though I do not know him either, ya know?

My girls keep me to busy, even though they do not live with me any longer.

While I miss them, terribly... I am pretty much okay with them being mostly on their own.

I am currently unemployed, and pretty much giving up trying to change that ~ it is seriously disheartening to always be turned down.

I have a tendency think to much.

I like to grow things.

I don't smoke, though I will admit that I do drink ~ occasionally.

I like to walk. I see the world more clearly when I walk in it. Walking is good for me even if I fall down a lot.

I have all my own teeth. Except the wisdom ones... they were taken out when I broke my lower jaw.

I have always wondered why whacking your elbow is considered funny...

I have learned to like cold coffee, mostly because I seldom take the time to sit down and drink the stuff while it is hot ~ though lately it is because I will carry my cup about and forget where I set it down...

This list is not all inclusive, and subject to change upon the whims of its' author....which would be ME!

For my life is ever changing, and seldom do I love the same things all the time...

that would be such a boring thing!

Until next update...

:* mwah!

18 December 2008

werk toonite

Theater gig :)

It is clear, we got about 12 inches of snow total for the storm. I think we got more than that, but hey... I'm not "official" enough to count.

drinking my peppermint tea, and killing time until I have to run to the hall where the show is held. The driveway is mostly done, I never did fire up the snowblower, I did it all by shovel. Probably a dumb thing to do, because now I feel like I am going to croak over dead, but hey. It was beautiful today, ya know? And my troubles would all be done if I did die.

:D

Wish I knew what was/is wrong with me though. I am tired of feeling like poo all the time. Obama? Can we get some kind of decent health care for us worthless peon types that can't find work to pay the rent, let alone the medical bills??

HMMM????

**sigh** While I have hopes for this administration, I do not hold out any hope that they will benefit me. I, like so many others, am on my own, to live in total poverty until the day I do actuallay pass from this life.

Merry Christmas!! :p

BAHUMBUG.

At least I have roof, and hot tea.

right?

**shrug** whatever.

wow

snow day today for reals I think. I have to get out to feed the horses, but that it all... maybe I will make cookies today, eh?

:) bbl ~ I may have to plow to get the truck out.

17 December 2008

snow day

well, not really. I did go outside, and I did do things, but I didn't get the drive way done, I ran out of "oomph" by the time I cleared the spot about the cars.

erk. We've actually got about 10 inches total today, I'm having my barn LL put the horses in for me tonight. They may be a bit late, but that won't hurt a thing. I will most likely have to use the 4x4 tomorrow morning... it is supposed to snow all night. As I am to tired to go out and plow, I am happy that I HAVE a four wheel drive to use.

Then, after all this snow, it is going to get cold again... whee. :p

The headache is back, nothing is cutting it. Though each time I say this, things right themselves, I may have to go in for der heavy duty shot... I can't afford it, but ... dang! This is beginning to affect my vision.

Bites big time when that happens.

It was difficult to drive back yesterday, not physically, but mentally. I do not want to be here. I surely do not. Sadly, I do not know where I WANT to go either. I do not want to live with the daughter and SIL, (no, they would never offer) I do not want to live here, I do not want to live in a city, I do not want to live where there isn't a spot for the Budman, I do not want to be so alone, I do not want...

I am full of what I don't want, aren't I??? To bad I haven't any clue what I DO want.

Well, not really anyways.

I am just waiting. I do not know for what exactly either. But... I am.

Hurry up Lord? Please?

**sigh** yeah.

Timing is everything.

Ain't it??

Come on Viggo, lets go eat dinner.

:*

16 December 2008

my only grandchild...

Posted by Picasa

This is Rascal, he is a chiweenie, and my youngest grandson...I have no human grandbabies. :) He goes everywhere t1k goes, and last night he attended the concert at the highschool. Most people did not even notice he was there. With the weather the way it is right now (-9 F) and this time of year, he can not be left at home, he is too small. If the power went out while no one was home, the other dogs would fine... Rascal would freeze to death in very short order.

What breed of horse are you? Find out!

15 December 2008

off to the hinterlands

yes, I am off to the middle of nowhere.

Winter concert is tonight, and I need to get going before the cold REALLY sets in.


stay warm!!

Come on Viggo, we should not have slept in this morning!!

heh...

:*

14 December 2008

**YAHHHWN**

Sorry about that! I am still having a hard time with going to bed at 11:30 or so, then getting up at 6:30 to go take care of the horses. I can not speak to anyone elses' horses, but mine expect to be fed at about the same time every day... and they are not so grumpy when I do, ya know??? That said, I managed this morning to crank myself out of the warmth of quilt cocoon by 7:15 and get on the road by 7:25.

the ten minute delay was the dogs ~ it is to cold to leave them in the yard while I feed.

**YAHWN**

Two standard cups of coffee and an hours worth of emails later, I am STILL not completely awake, and it is nearly time to go put the beasts out in the big pasture. There is not going to be much to eat/do up there today, the snow is about eight inches or so. Under the trees should be fine I think, though dry and pine needle-ee. needly? Needlely?

**snort** I just freaked the speel check out. :)

I don't think I will do much today in the way of things here at the house. We've one more show tonight, so I will need to take a nap this afternoon I imagine ~ then I've three days off. (YAY!!) Tomorrow (monday) I need to go to the city for animal stuff, then I will go on up to the hinterlands to see T3k in her Christmas concert tomorrow night ~ but I will stay up there for the night. The cold will be intense, and they are expecting wind ~ blizzard conditions are particularly nasty in the dark, and up on the Waterville Plateau there is nothing to stop the wind ~ I've seen it look like a completely flat white plain, it can fill in some of the smaller coulees, making it doubly dangerous to drive. I find it cool, (though odd) that our school up there has plans in place for the outlying students to stay in town if the drifts get to big.

Cool, but scary at the same time, ya know? One of those "it makes me nutz" things, because I live so far away.

Got to go put my pony out in his field.

:*

10:30 p.m the same day...

I am home for the evening now, it is a whopping 9 degrees outside, and I got sooo cold at work ~ I am on my third cup of cocoa, and the dogs are lying ON my feet, and the cats are trying to share my lap. the goofy things.

I hope the Budman is okay for the night ~ he has his barn and all, but still. 9 degrees!!! that is what... minus 12 or something centigrade...

erk.

so. see you in the morning, bright and early to feed the horses...

**shiver** I am going to suit up completely for that!!!

:*

13 December 2008

Tis snowy at last ~ we've had a heat wave going ever since the middle of November, and I was wondering if it would EVER snow. I have only had Budman since May, so I was interested to see how he reacted to the white stuff...

Grumpily. Maybe he was just in a bad mood, yesterday, but he surely looked grumpy to me.

I'm tired today, to many nights up late, and still getting up to feed the horses at 6. I generally do not go back to sleep in between, which may be the reason why I am getting tired. I do nap in the afternoon, but it is not a good thing, it leaves me kind of cranky. So I have been staying awake instead, with bad results.

Only six more shows, counting tonights. Some of it might be that I have done this every night since Sunday last, which will make it seven in a row. NOT a good thing, eh?

The kid has a christmas concert on Monday night, so I needs be in the hinterlands on Monday night ~ getting home on Tuesday to put away the things I buy on Monday before I go to the hinterlands...

**sigh**

In a major bummerly, I am not getting Christmas gifts, unless you count the feed for the pigs. I am buying animal food, fodder and other sundrie things.

**shrug** at least the pigs will be happy right? And I shall get myself some bacon in the spring. :)

The wind has begun here, it is from the south, the side that my bedroom sits on. That is the side the barn door is on too, so I am going to fashion a wind break on that end for under the big door. The Weather channel is saying in the minus's over the next couple three or four days ~ especially with the wind chill factored in.

Nasty nasty. I hope that t1k has a handle on T3k ~ t3 does not like to be responsible for her things, so she does not like to wear heavy coats and things. She HAS to next week ~ if anything should happen to the bus/EK's car, she would be in serious trouble.

Freeze to death in the name of laziness and fashion. What a way to die.

:p

Called the hinterlands, everyone is in a bad mood. There is enough snow that they are stuck in the house ~ and the SIL and T1 are at odds as to how to spend the leisure time. SIL went to get fuel, and now? I think he and nephew are hunting.

O.O blowing and freezing out, and they are driving about on the plateau.

duuuuuummmmmmb!

okay, off to feed the ponies, and snug them in the barn for the night. I am going to put the long underwear on ... NOW.

:*

12 December 2008

Friday for the rest of the world

today is the 12th, and it is Friday...or so they tell me. They as in, "they that care about such things" ~ meaning my girls, who still live from Monday to Friday in their lives.

I do not miss it to much if you want to know the truth.

It has begun snowing, it actually started right around 10 this morning, and now there is the sum total of 3 inches on the yard stick.

Oh whee. Like that is anything huge, eh? I suppose if you live where there is never any snow maybe? Last year it did this very thing... began snowing on the second weekend of December, and did not stop until about the end of January. I am just happy that it IS snowing, and that it is not an ice storm like they had over night in New York state and areas there abouts. We do not have any problems when the power goes out, we just keep the wood stove going all the time, and cook on the coleman stove out on the front porch... pretty funny to see, and we've not had to do this in a very long time.

Speaking of wood, I need to get on my sister about getting some more. She has a "guy" that does this for us ~ kind of like a gardener type person that moonlights with a chain saw.

The powers that predict our weather say that Monday night it is going to be bitterly cold... in the minus' areas of the Fahrenheit thermometer. THAT is not cool, I am considering shutting Bud and his friends in their stalls for that night. We shall see how cold it actually gets. I up the amount of hay for those hours too, and hopefully it won't last more than that night. :) It will be a true test of the watering trough heaters, too ~ I've never had to worry about it before, it is a weird thing.

So... work for the theater tonight, last night was opening night. Could have been better, but it was okay. I hope that someone irons out the glitches... :) I doubt it though, sometimes, it just is "let it go" ~ makes me uncomfortable, but hey... I haven't ANY control over it.

Gots to go feed the pony, and give him his scratches for the night. I bet they are waiting by the fence to be let in the barn when I get there.

Goofy things. :)

10 December 2008

OOPS

Lost a day. That is the "fun" of having CFS... some days go past you in a complete and total fog, and you wake up on the other side of next week wondering what you did that could compromise your reputation...

**sigh** would that I could do something to compromise myself. At least then I would have the energy to do something (read: anything) else!

Did not go to the doctor, I can not bring myself to do it. I owe so much money now, and yes, I am going to have to bankrupt on it, but... until I can actually SEE the paperwork that says I am filing, I stress VERY badly about the money. It is not just the clinic here in town, it is the big one in the city also. It makes me NUTZ.

The ex is going to be in for a surprise when the papers finally go through. Many of the bills should have been paid by him (per divorce decree) and here in Washington State both parents are responsible ~ if I go under on them, then the ones that pertain to the girls will come back to haunt him. **shrug** it is soooo not my problem. He should have done something with them instead of putting them in the junk because they came from me.

Yesterday sucked, t2k called to inform me that she would not be over here for Christmas. While I do not mind that she will not be here, (family feud)I don't not like how she informed me... and yes, it hurt my feelings. It would have been far kinder to tell me ages ago that she was considering staying at her dads this year, and that she would let me know when she had decided. But NO. We have to drop this shit on mom at the last minute and it is up to mom to conform and accept and fuck how mom feels...

Oh whatever... welcome to motherhood of teenagers that are the typical self centered that were treated like all their friends at the expense of my health...spoiled rotten rich little shits...

Yes, it really is all my own fault, ya know?

Still, I am thinking about changing my phone number, and NOT giving it out to them, pretending to be busy when they call, and all that...

**sigh** no, I won't. But it is DAMNED tempting.

come on vig, time to go put the horses out in the field for the day.

:*

08 December 2008

Can't make up its' mind

It is cold this morning, after raining last night ~ the road was a bit slick this when I went over to feed the horses. I was late because I did not sleep so well, I woke up in pain, and still have not had it go away. I may just have to bite the bullet and go to the doctor. I do not want to, but this is ridiculous, this constant pain, and not sleeping ~ No wonder I feel worn out, eh?

SO! maybe it is time to bite the bullet.

coffee first though...always, coffee first.

:*

07 December 2008

Randomness while I drink my coffee...

It is an el Grosso day here in the PNW. Raining, and though not to cold, the clouds are sitting right at ground level. Fortunately, they ARE clouds, and my poor head/pysche can tell the diffrence.

I am sooo going to have to speel check this entry, Baby Kitty is climbing all over me this morning, making it hard to type.

Went to listen to my moms' group sing last night, it was nice. I always forget just how much talent there is locally ~ and I do wish that the summer months were less hectic for people ~ then they could be in the shows with "my" theater. :) It would not work out to well as the summer is high and busy season for nearly eveyone that lives here. **sigh** My older sister took us out for pie, but the restaurant was out of pie... so we had hot fudge sundaes instead.

Kitty is making this nearly impossible to do ~ Makes me understand how Old Cat must feel about this here furry dynamo. I know that O.C is not happy with me about this kitten, but O.C makes some pretty silly decisions, even when she KNOWS that what she is doing will attract unwanted attention. Like... moving the slightest bit. A hairs twitch, and Baby Kitty is ALL over her. Then "we" (in the royal sense) play chase...Old Cat is fat and more than a bit out of shape, so Chase does not last to long.

I'm feeling alright this morning, I had my coffee as usual, and while it did not bother me yesterday, today it seems to be upsetting me. Verry strange. I may just need some more sleep, though I only got up once last night? **shrug**

who knows. I'm so out of balance in all areas of my life that I would not know if I were having a good day or a bad day ~ they just all string together in one huge fog.

Dense fog.

Very dense fog.

AAAAAAAH OOOOOOOOOOOOGA!!

get it?

fog horn???

heh...

:*

:)

06 December 2008

I'm up! I'm UP!!!!

I Love my animals, but sometimes... DANG! This morning they MADE me get up, quite literally. I wasn't even late or anything ~

**heh** can't complain about my children, so I complain about my animals instead. Sometimes, I boggle my own self, ya know?

Lets see... I've begun a story (points at link to the left of screen ... over there!) and I am the main person in it ~ I do not know of any other way to let all this crap I carry about with out. Not without this blog becoming a whining icky place to read...

SO! **cringe** In conjunction with my posts here, I am going to write a fictitious account (using real facts and feelings) of how things work in my life... and I do not know for sure where exactly it will go.

As with all things in my life, it is a work in progress, I'll try not to make it too sappy, or ... whatever other words that mean stupid.

It is a gorgeous day here today, the sun helps everything that is wrong with me. I know I am getting depressed, because it is hard to function at all sometimes. The old body is getting to the point where it just wants to sleep ~ which in itself is okay, but the bills do not get paid by my sleeping. ( you know, I DO wish that I could get paid while I sleep!) I got three turn down emails this week alone... and I am now behind in EVERYTHING I owe anything on. I need to go to a doctor, and be under SOME kind of continual care, but all I do is run up another bill I can not pay. The local clinic is so bad with that ~ now all the receptionists do is have the doctors call me...

**sigh** so... meanwhile, I get worse and worse, and no one seems to give a rats patooie.

No wonder I get depressed, eh?

I have pretty much decided that I am going to go bankrupt on it all, and let the chips fall where they may. Sadly, in Washington State, I have to go through credit counselling before I can even FILE for bankruptcy ~ so, I shall begin that process as soon as possible. Means finding/getting copies of all my outstanding medical bills, and I HATE talking to the people at the various offices. They are NOT nice about any of this, and though part of me understands, the other part can not help but think that they are being un-necessarily assholish. (is that a word?) I am NOT doing these things on purpose. Nor did I not have a plan...

Plans have a way of getting screwed up, ya know?

so...

off to write the first page of my story.

:*

05 December 2008

Poo Hockey

One of the things I must do as the owner of a hay munching fart machine... oh wait. Kinda sounds like I am talking about a cow, doesn't it? Honestly, some days I would rather HAVE a cow, at least I could get something in return for all the hay... :)

At any rate, one of the things I must do is clean up after all the hay has been well used by Mr. Shitzalot. It is not to bad as long as I keep up on it on a daily basis ~ I only get one wheelie (wheelbarrow) full.

The days I do not get to it? It multiplies ten fold, and grows. One would think that two days would be two wheelies... but NOOOOOOOOOO. Two days of used hay is at minimum THREE wheelies.

**sigh**

Yesterday was one such day... I'd missed the clean up on the Tuesday so had more to do, and the dogs finished up with their searching the pee mails and other doggie things faster than I could scoop.

So, I'm cleaning along, but it is not to bad as we have gotten into the cold season now. everything is pretty much frozen solid, making a "thunk" noise as I toss it into the barrow.

The thunking noise brings the dogs ~

They are watching with great interest, looking in the wheelie, sniffing about it, trying to figure out the odd noises...

**scoop... THUNK(s)**

**scoop... THUNK(s)**

On the second scoop, one of the little muffins misses, and goes skittering across a frozen p ... er...puddle. (the ground is frozen solid, it sounds like a wood floor when you walk on it and any water just freezes in place.)

Dogs chase said muffin and after a bit of a game at the end of the "rink" one of them brings it back to me...

I flick it across the expanse of the frozen puddle, it skitters the length, and stops.

Dogs give chase and bring it back...

I flick it with the manure fork and it skitters away...

We continued our game of poo hockey until the puck thawed enough for someone to decide that it tasted pretty good...

(yes, BLEAH!!)

Fortunately I had the truck, THEY rode home in the BACK.

Viggo? Would you please bring home some more toothpaste tonight? I used the whole tube on the dogs...

:*

04 December 2008

Insomnia returns...

**shrug** I haven't any idea why either, well... kinda not anyways.

Mostly it is the aches and pains of this damn disease I haul about with me. Fortunately yesterday was a sunny-ish day, so I was in a better mood than I would have been, and it carried over to this morning.(yay me!!)

Did the theater gig last night, it was rough because it was just a run through ~ but it is looking really good. I wanted to help set up the sets and things, (called load-in) but I hurt to bad to do it, and I did not want to get to tired, because then I REALLY hurt. I feel very much the loser when I can't do what I consider part of my job, but I do my best not to let it get to me. I have discovered that I have some serious limitations on what I can do ~ it is nice that I am not totally incapacitated.

My spine is clicking as I move this morning, this can not be good. Doesn't hurt really, just kind of...well... clicks. Annoying if you want the truth. Riding helps ALL the aches and pains in my person,I just have to figure out how to do it every day. I haven't been on the Bud since August, he is going to need a lot of re-respect training before I get on him again.

Much coldness outdoors this morning, and I could see stars when I put the dogs out. All signs say that it is going to be a lovely day again today. I am going to wear my thermals over to feed the Budman, the barn is not heated. Last night will have been the first test of the new tank heater ~ it will be interesting to see how it looks this morning.

Oh crap. I left my insulated gloves in the car last night. Poop and poop again. :p

Coffee tastes so lovely (**AAAAAAAHHHHHH**) for some reason. I shall soon stop drinking it ~ and yes, it IS yet again. I really need to wait until the days get longer, as there is something in my head that says that I MUST have some kind of hot beverage in the mornings in order to wake up... and I have yet to find a tea that I like as well as I like coffee. Mate is okay, but... the coffee addiction runs strong.

The news is babbling in the background, nothing has changed since the five o'clock hour last night. I suppose that is good, right?

Off to feed the horses, and maybe start my day...

Come on viggo, up & at 'em.

I ain't gonna be the onliest one to freeze this morning!

:*

03 December 2008

Todays Tip

I have very few things I do that I would consider "tips" or "tricks" ~ I just DO things, ya know? I (quite honestly) do not pay to very much attention to how I do stuff, I only think of getting things done in the shortest amount of time possible, with the least effort on my part. I chalk this up to the facts ... Fact number one is that I tire so easily, and Fact number two is because I am inherently lazy. I just want stuff finished, and as long as it is done right, I do not really care how the process works.

There is one thing in this life that I do, that I have not seen on any tip or trick space ever. I do not flatter myself to think that I am the onliest one that has thought of this ~ I recommend this for anyone that has a washer and dryer...

You know how socks never seem to come through in pairs, seemingly to drop off the face of the earth?

Easy and quick to fix solution is to take whatever singles you have, and throw them back into the dirty laundry with the next days laundry, doing this over and over.

Eventually you will end up with a pair. Doesn't matter if one of another pair is lost, nor does it matter if the original was found. It will end up as a pair.

Saves trying to keep track of the loose clean socks, and when you, your spouse/other or your children finally clean out the respective hiding spaces (car, bedroom closets, the winter boots not worn since last winter, underneath the dog beds) there is sock mate waiting for all the lonely lost ones.

Course, it only works if your dogs don't raid the laundry for things to chew on...

:*

i don't know where this came from



I thought it pretty good ~ if anyone knows who/whom it belongs to, let me know.

Thanks whoever you are, it is wonderful fun to watch.

Sue

02 December 2008

**YAWN**

typical title for a typical night, eh?

yeah. **shrug**

It is just wrong when a body gets up, and feels tired the whole time they are out of bed. All I wanted to do all day was go back to bed.

bleah. :p

I have decided that I dislike HD television, I will have to buy a new telly even though I have cable. Most of the picture is gone off the sides of my screen, and it makes me mad. I just BOUGHT this one.

another BLEAH.

Took today off, did not do a stinking thing. I am to tired. Ate only bland things... cream of rice cereal, applesauce, and plain white toast with only butter. B.O.R.I.N.G.
But! I don't feel half bad... only three quarters bad. I was going to go help with the load in for tonight, but... **sigh** yeah.

whine whine, moan moan.

stick a fork in me viggo, I'm done...

:*

01 December 2008

Day light is here, but you'd never know it. This gray schtuff that is hanging over the house is like ... making me insanely tired. I am worn out from it actually, makes it hard to get my rear end in gear. It is hard when one begins the day with mostly yawns.

Baby kitty has taken up the really bad habit of biting my hands when she is on my lap ~ (or any OTHER part of my anatomy for that matter) She won't jump up either, she feels she has to climb my legs... I have to make a point of wearing long pants ALL the time now. SHEES! no amount of flicking her nose is helping either. I have actually resorted to putting her in the sleeping kennel so I can do things... NOT good, but I have no other solutions at this point.

I need a spray bottle too. It works with our other cats, so hopefully it will work with her. She isn't used to baths yet, I've only given her one ~ the vet was unhappy about that because the kitten wasn't the strongest when I found her. SO... this will change as soon as POSSIBLE. She smells pretty bad to me.

Everyone is asleep but me, and I just now realized that it is nearly noon. Wow. I wonder where the morning went? I know I spent a good hour or so with the horse this morning, so that would be some of it, and I was on the phone with t1k for a goodly portion, so that would be another hour...

okay, don't feel so badly about the time, I was doing things besides sitting on my butt.

Had a good Turkey Day, an okay weekend, and now... I must be on the ball for the maids job. Wells Fargo is hiring again too, maybe a resume for this one would help? **shrug** I have done a LOT in my years, it is hard to put it all on a resume, and keep the resume short and sweet.

yes, I am old gonedaft.

Into the day, even though I am late.

:* mwah!!!

mogsies